"We are going to focus on LIFE for Katya. I believe, one day, she will amaze the world."

Dr. Ben Carson on Katya Dueck

Saturday, August 8, 2015

The Indignities of Adopting

One day recently, another adoptive Mom and I were talking about all the things adoptive parents go through that biological parents don't typically get to "enjoy". And since she and I are both bio and adoptive moms, I think we have a pretty solid basis to compare the situations.

Well, I'd had a horrible rotten no-good day that day, but as we were chatting on that topic, I suddenly remembered the story I'm about to share with you, and it kind of brightened my day a little just reminiscing about it. I thought you might enjoy hearing about it as well.

Back track to 2004 and Paul and I were deep in our adoption process of Kristina. And Russia very carefully tried to screen the health of parents to be. Among many other things, we both had to be tested and proven free of HIV and Hepatitis. After making a lot of phone calls and inquiries, we found out that the most logical place to go get those particular tests done was our local Health Department.

So we called, explained the situation and got an appointment date to come in for this testing. On the day appointed, Paul and I were sitting all nice and pretty in the waiting room quietly minding our own business when the nurse came to the door way of the waiting room and loudly called, "Mr and Mrs Dueck, you can come back for your HIV and Hepatitis testing now!"

You could have heard a pin drop as everyone's heads swiveled to look at this "Amish" couple standing up to walk back for their STD blood born pathogen tests. You really could have. I'm sure I saw a few baffled and astonished looking faces too! And did their eyes see right that the Missus is pregnant too?!

It still makes me giggle just a little to this day, even though at the time it was just slightly annoying.

Moral of the story--what you **think** you know could be really, really far from the actual truth!

And this is also why it's not accurate or polite to ever say to an adopting parent, "Oh, you are taking the 'easy way out'." Trust us on this--we go through things no bio parent ever does. Being a bio parent brings it's own set of challenges--I do not discount that. But so does being an adoptive parent.


Monica said...

Someone would think that adopting is taking the "easy way out"? Uh, I would say it's the exact opposite and I've never adopted!
Wow, I'm appalled by that nurse's lack of discretion when ushering you an Paul back, but it sure is a great story.

Hope Anne said...

Truthfully, Monica, I was shocked myself when a few people said that to us! And given that not only were we adopting, but I was also pregnant, there was nothing remotely easy about it. The 12 hours we spent flying from Moscow to Khabarovsk on a stinking plane (people crowded into the bathroom to smoke in violation of the announcements) with a wholloping case of allergies due to it--which included a ferocious ear ache and sinus pain--sweating and miserable beyond belief--was one of the worst "labors" I have gone through on top of all the regular stress and crazy of adoption. Anyway, we lived to tell the tales, and they are a lot funnier now than they were at the time.

And yeah, HIPPA violation much with that nurse? ;-)