"We are going to focus on LIFE for Katya. I believe, one day, she will amaze the world."

Dr. Ben Carson on Katya Dueck

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Guilty, Guilty, Guilty

The alleged care-providers of Hana Williams were found Guilty.

I have to admit, I find no joy in that, but a strange sense of relief. I assumed they would be found guilty, but you just never know. Hopefully this verdict sends parents every where--both adopted and not adopted--a strong message of warning. I hope it causes Adoption Agencies to take pre-preparation training more seriously, and hope and pray that adoptive parents AND bio parents learn to reach out to safe and wise people for support and advice, instead of relying on faulty and abusive parenting books/seminars/leaders.

We are thankful for the people who have reached out to us and given us timely wisdom in various ways as we parent our kiddos. We have also had our share of tons of bad advice dished out to us. When we were younger and less experienced, unfortunately we had far to too much faulty parenting advice pushed at us. It left some negative impacts and even though we have apologized and our kids have forgiven us, the impact is still there.

I think that is one reason I feel so passionate about this case. No, even at the time, we didn't swallow all of the stuff pushed at us, including "To Train Up a Child",  but having been a young, desperate parent who was having that pushed on me, I think it created some slight understanding of how a situation like this could start to spiral out of control. Fortunately, for us, we realized that the stuff being pushed on us was NOT working, and we went and sought more information, got evaluations, and got help for our child (and ironically, lack of discipline was NOT the problem--the problem was that they had  neurological issues that impacted their behavior.) Today, our child that "everyone" predicted horrible and dire things about is flourishing far more than even the experts ever thought possible.

I think if we had continued on a downward spiral, I would not be able to sit here today and type that happy sentence. Did you comprehend that? "Today our child that "everyone" predicted horrible and dire things about is flourishing far more than even the experts ever thought possible."

Get off the downward spiral if you are on it. It's not too late to seek advice, to seek support from people who can help you parent in healthy ways that do not damage your child and your relationship with them. This of utmost importance . . .

P.S. I'll just tell you right now one of the most freeing days of my life--when I decided to burn the majority of the "child training" books that were given to us by well-meaning people who were sure that if we just heeded the advice in their favorite book, that our child would be "fine".

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Amen...a thousand times amen! Well said.