"We are going to focus on LIFE for Katya. I believe, one day, she will amaze the world."

Dr. Ben Carson on Katya Dueck

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Parenting Our Adopted Kiddos

I'm sure many if not all of us are aware of the on-going trial of the adoptive care-givers (I can not bring myself to apply any of the terms that one generally uses when adults adopt children) of Hana Grace Williams who was starved, beaten, and finally allowed to die of hypothermia. I want to point you to the blog of a friend of mine, Tulip Girl, and a post she made about this when Hana's death was first made public.

I have a lot of things I would like to share, but not a lot of time to share. I just want to put this out there though--if you are parenting ANY child and they are challenging you, and you find yourself becoming locked into a unhealthy cycle that is starting to look at all like anything remotely connected to "child disobeys, I punish, child disobeys, I punish harder and stronger, child still disobeys, I punish even more!"  please, please, please reach out! There are people who care and are willing to support you in healthy parenting interactions. No, don't get me wrong--that does absolutely NOT mean that I think that a child should be allowed to get away with any thing and every thing they ever want to do. We do have consequences for wrong behaviors in our house, and our kids are not allowed to get away with "bloody murder". But as parents, we need to be so very wise in how we parent, especially kids who are dealing with a background of trauma and loss. We need to have support and we need to have people who can hold our hands and help us. We need to focus on love, mercy, and grace a lot, and we need parents who are experienced and have wisdom to share from their years of parenting kids.

And speaking of parents who have some godly wisdom to share that I have found very helpful, Christie Minich's blog is a treasure trove of wealth of information. She has also been extremely helpful to me in person.

So just throwing that out there--there ARE people who care and are willing to help. There doesn't ever have to be another Lydia Shatz  or Hana Grace Williams story. There just doesn't. There is no need for it to happen ever again. NO excuse. Please reach out. Contact me through my blog, reach out to a Social Worker, friends, a counselor--SOMEONE who can help you and give you the support you need as you parent a challenging child.


Birdwell said...

As I drifted off to sleep last night, I was thinking of a scene in the bible where Mary rebukes her young son, "Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, they father and I have sought thee sorrowing" and Jesus replies, "How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" It seems that Mary in the day to day life of parenting forgot who Jesus really was, the literal Son of God. And this made me think, how many times as parents, in times of stress, forget who our children are? They are also (the spirit) children of God, entrusted to us to love, cherish and raise up to be followers of Christ. If we strive to keep this knowledge foremost in our minds, we cannot go wrong.

(My son is a wonderful amazing young man that challenges me daily. I believe this thought came to me from God, as I had just prayed for guidance regarding my son.)

Hope Anne said...

Birdwell, that is good stuff. Profound. Thank you for sharing it!!