. . . that Katya's art teacher always has a huge sunny smile, and a cheeful word for me when she is on duty to check parents out.
. . . her attitude towards Katya rocks.
. . . either she's faking it, or else she really sees Katya's improvements and potential just about like I do. (That can be a bit of a rare thing to find.)
Yes, I'm trying to focus on what I'm thankful for. Because right now I don't feel sunny and bright. I feel weary and hung down again with the enormity of the challenges Katya faces, and what our family is going through as we seek to meet her needs.
I think if we didn't love her so much, it wouldn't hurt so much to see her struggle. I so long to have a deeper peek into her heart and life. I WANT TO HEAR HER VOICE. The few times she has gotten a short word out, her voice is lovely . . . like the time she said "hey". She re-duplicated it at school twice after that, but has not been able to do so since. People suspect Apraxia. I do too.
I have not dreamed for awhile now that she begins speaking. Maybe my hope is dying. I don't know. I just know, right now, today, I'm crying again. I want so much for my sweet daughter to be able to communicate meaningfully, and it's killing me that she can't.
It stinks. Totally. 100%.
And no, I'm not super-Mom. I'm not some paragon of godly virtue who can do all this effortlessly and painlessly.