"We are going to focus on LIFE for Katya. I believe, one day, she will amaze the world."

Dr. Ben Carson on Katya Dueck
Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Now the Eyes . . . .

So yesterday Katya woke up with her right eye a little swollen. We duly noted it, but did not panic.

By bedtime, it looked a lot worse, and was turning reddish on the skin, as well as looking a bit oozy.

This morning, it was definitely way worse and the left eye was swollen now too.

Charity managed to snap some photos to send to Dr. Dorafshar while Katya was chowing down on granola and fruit.


Poor Katya! She clearly didn't like how her eyes felt, but she was determined to still eat one of her favorite breakfasts--homemade granola with fresh fruit.



Dr. Dorafashar soon emailed back (bless him--he's so good to do that!) and said he figured (as I did) that it was a simple infection--probably conjunctivitis--not related to any thing with her surgeries, but he would be on stand-by via phone if the Drs needed to speak to him.

So due to several considerations (the condition of our van,  how I was feeling, the fact Charity was out for the morning with a friend of hers and not able to baby sit, and a few other things) we decided to try the local urgent care, rather than going to the Children's Hospital urgent care.

Katya got a lovely female Doctor who was patient and kind, but very thorough with Katya. She finally decided that it's likely "pink eye" (although Katya doesn't show the characteristic blood shot look to the eyes) and prescribed antibiotic eye drops. Katya took going to Urgent Care VERY well--she did not get noticeably anxious or panicked, even with a new place AND a new Dr. We were VERY proud of her.

As for me, I had pink eye left and right as a child. It was utterly miserable. But in all my 20 years of parenting . . . this is the first child of mine who has had it! I'm holding my breath and praying it does NOT sweep through the family, but given how Katya rubs her eyes and then puts her hands every where, and vice a versa, it's neither surprising to me that she got pink eye, nor will it be surprising if she passes it around to the rest of us.

I'm grateful that it seems like the problem this time is a "common" problem. Hopefully she feels better/looks better by Monday and can return to school for the last two and a half days of the year. Katya was out still recovering from surgery last year, so she didn't get to see how the school year winds down, and then finishes. I want her to be able to experience that this year.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Two Years Ago Today . . .

Paul and I arrived safely in Ukraine, ready to complete the adoption process for Katya that we had started nearly 9 months previously.

A few days later, we were allowed to see Katya--for Paul it was his first time. For me, it was a return to the child I had known for many long months was meant to be a part of our family.

Katya was swinging when we were lead to her. I was shocked--and not in a good way--when I glimpsed her. Pale, scrawny, and clearly shut down compared to when I had last seen her, my heart sank to my toes. I can not tell you how badly my heart sank.

Katya sat there swinging, emotionally and mentally in her own little world. Listless and really uncaring about these weird people talking to her. There was no recognition on her little face of me, in spite of the intense connection that I had felt and seen on the medical missions trip to her orphanage.

And then, when I reached out Katya, took her thin little hand, and began to massage it gently the way I had on that trip, her body suddenly stiffened. Katya's eyes became alert and piercing--she stared hard at me, then suddenly her hand was yanked away from my hands and her head whipped away from me. Her whole entire body posture and behavior radiated anger.

My heart leaped with joy and amusement! YES! My sweet Katya was still inside! She remembered me, and she was TICKED that I had taken so long to come back to her! Yes! There was hope for her!

Time has proven my gut-instinct assessment of Katya to be right. Katya's spark of life was tamped down, but not dead.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Supports and Service for Katya for 2013-2014

After the disheartening experience visiting multiple disability classrooms we had lately, we were all primed up and "ready for bear" when we went to the meeting with Katya's school today. There was no doubt in our minds that we knew what was best for Katya, and were prepared to stand our ground for her.

We did't need to. Evidently, a copy of something I had posted  on Facebook about the experience and my strong feelings about the treatment I saw of the children in that classroom, as well as my determination to keep Katya at her current school where I knew she was treated with respect, made it's way to the decision makers at Katya's school. I do not know this for a fact, but I am pretty sure from some things that were said, that is precisely what happened.

That strong declaration evidently set the stage, because we walked into that meeting, and the school officials wanted to know what we envisioned for Katya for next year.

#1. Katya in a nuerotypical classroom with pull-out services as needed, much as she has this year.

#2. In addition, we wanted Katya to have a one-on-one aide with her who was fluent in basic ALS and able and willing to learn more as needed to help Katya keep communicating with her school teachers and peers.

#3. Also, we wanted Katya to have instruction two to three times per week from someone who is fluent in ASL.

Katya's current teacher spoke up quickly and firmly and said, "I think that's all apprpriate and reasonable and I agree that is in Katya's best interests!"

WHAM. BAM. About that fast, everyone else had agreed!! We were almost shocked. (Except not 100% because we already had a good idea that they had viewed my strongly worded Facebook Declaration.)

But then, they got to drop the final shock on US.

When I mentioned that whoever taught Katya next year needed to be someone who was like her current teacher, Ms M. as much as possible, "because Ms M. doesn't let Katya get away with bloody murder--she's no nonscense, but she loves Katya and Katya knows it!"  big old grins were exchanged around the table. And then Mrs. M. said, "Well, I will be teaching her next year!'

We were SHOCKED. Wait a minute? Ms M. teaches Kindergarten! And then they explained--"We decided to do a split classroom next year with Kindergarten and First Grade, and Ms. M. is going to teach it!"

Well, I have to tell you, what burst out of me was a very emotional, "THANK YOU JESUS!" as I threw my hands into the air! I think I shocked 'em all, but they looked pleased! And yes, do I EVER MEAN IT. "Thank You, Jesus!"

Because, this is the absolute best thing for Katya in terms of reducing anxiety and increasing learning. Katya will be in the exact same classroom, with the exact same teacher who knows and loves her,  with the added benefit of getting more grounded in the kindergarten basics that she needs, and yet exposed to the new and more advanced 1st grade concepts! Katya can benefit from the best of both worlds--just as kids in the old multi-grade classrooms did! Having been in those a number of years as a kid, I know they can be helpful.

When thinking about what we wished next year could look like for Katya, we had wished she could still spend some time in Ms. M's room reinforcing basic Kindergarten concepts. But we knew Katya should not simply repeat Kindergarten again. While she needs much of the teaching, she didn't need it all! She has moved beyond simply Kindergarten, although she's not ready for a full and typical First Grade curriculum or exposure.

A split classroom, with a teacher who knows her well is absolutely the most marvelous idea for Katya, and is a true blessing from the hand of God.

I am so glad we did not agree to settle for less than the best for Katya. Sooo, sooo thankful!!! Because if we had, we wouldn't have had THIS for her.

The school has come such a very, very long way in understanding and accepting Katya's unique challenges and agreeing to work with them appropriately. What we have gone through together has not been easy--for them or for us. But it was necessary to get Katya the services and supports she needs to become as well educated as possible, so she can fulfill her full God-given potential.

And when I see papers like this coming home . . . well, it makes every single battle we have fought for her worth it.




This was a paper from today.

We will never give up on our precious daughter, God helping us. We will continue to advocate for her until such a time as she can advocate for herself.

Our family knows Katya is an amazing child, created by the Hand of God. A child who needs to be lovingly but firmly helped to learn. A child who wants to learn. A child who is loved and is learning to love.

Oh our sweet Katya, how very much you are loved and cared for tenderly by God and so many others! Some day, I think you will understand much more about the miracle your life is to all of us.


Monday, May 13, 2013

Hiding in a Black Bumper Van

Yesterday, exchanging stories while visiting with friends over a meal, we were reminded of one of our family stories--the one we likely would vote as our "most incredible" story, were we voting.

It all began the day, years ago, that our family realized we needed a new vehicle before leaving on a trip to help care for a family member. We had very litle time to look for a vehicle, and limited funds to purchase one. When we received a tip from a helpful friend about a minister they knew several hours from us that often had good quality vehicles at a fair price, we jumped.

Paul called the minister, and he told us that while he didn't have a lot on hand that would meet our needs, he did have a black mini van he had actually driven himself for about a year, after purchasing it at an auction. He felt it was road worthy, as far as he knew, and would serve us well.

So, we went to look at the van, and ended up purchasing it. The minister belonged to a religious group that felt that their vehicles should all be black--bumpers included, and so since he was driving the vehicle, he had dutifully painted the bumpers a nice black. The entire van was black.

Our children at the time, Todd and Charity, were excited to have more room to spread out while traveling, and though we noticed a few "interesting" things about this vehicle, such as how very worn the driver's seat was compared to the rest of the vehicle, and the fact that one of the grills for the heating and cooling system along the side of the van was missing, we still pronounced it satisfactory for our needs.

We went on our trip, helped with the care of our relative for a number of weeks in Wyoming, and then wended our way farther south to visit Paul's family in Oklahoma, and then trecked home. As I recall, I think we were gone easily 6 weeks--maybe a bit longer, and the van had many, many more miles put on by the time we arrived home than it had when we left.

By the next spring, we knew we wanted to improve the air conditioning system before the heat of summer hit. Being a solid black vehicle, the van was a heat magnet, so a well functioning AC was essential for parental and child happiness while traveling.

Paul took the van into our local friendly shop, and explained what issues the van had with both the front and the rear systems. The mechanic looked at Paul and told him, "I"ll take care of the front, but you do the back! I don't want to mess with the back, and you can do it  yourself."

As Paul was re-telling this to me, I could see the puzzle this was to him on his face. I was puzzled as well. This shop had worked for us before--we had always paid promptly, and there were no issues, so we couldn't figure out why they refused our offer of work. However, Paul tackled the rear aconditioning system himself, not wanting to push the gentleman.

That night, Paul came into supper, and over food, he began telling me that he was sure surprised after he took off the rear side panel to find not only the grill for the vent shoved down into the wall, but also that the people who owned the van before us must have thought it stunk and needed to have baking soda put into it, but he couldn't figure out how their idea would have helped improve the van's smell because the baking soda was in sealed zip lock baggies, and two of the bags, it was strange and looked like it was in a brick.

Immediately, I began laughing. "Oh Paul!" I exclaimed, "I don't think you found baking soda, dear! I think you found cocaine!"

He looked at me a bit stupified, and insisted that he thought it was baking soda. I told him to let me look at it after supper, and I would tell him whether it was baking soda or not, but I was quite sure it would NOT be.

So after supper, we all trooped out to look at the baggies. I looked through the plastic, and could see right away that the composition of the white "stuff" was NOT the same as baking soda. It was a larger, grainier, more crystal like powder. I gingerly opened one of the bags with the brick and sniffed tenatively. Uggg--it STUNK horridly! "Paul, baking soda does NOT stink like this! And look at how it almost glitters--this is NOT baking soda. I still think you found cocaine! This was a drug runner's vehicle before the minister purchased it! That explains the worn out driver's seat, and the relatively high mileage for as new as it was! Somehow, they lost some of their drugs in the wall!"



(All the bags in our vehicle contained much, much more than this photo, taken from http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/show_image.php?i=cocaine/cocaine_powder__i2006e0373_disp.jpg  shows.)


"Well, yes, the bags were pushed way up where you couldn't have gotten to them without taking the panel off, " Paul explained.

"I think we should call the police and let them deal with this!" I told Paul. He still wasn't ready to believe me that he had actually found something illegal in our vehicle. He didn't think the police would want to be bothered, so told me he was just going to pitch the bags into the trash and burn them, which he did.

Some time later, when telling a police man friend of ours the story, he backed up my belief that we'd found cocaine as he said my description matched closely enough that he was sure too it was what it was. He explained that had we called the authorities, they would have investigated us, but then would also have kept investigating backwards to find the owner who had been using it as a drug running vehicle--maybe even been able to make an arrest.

The most sobering and NOT.FUNNY.AT.ALL. part was when we realized what havoc our little family could have been thrown into had the mechanic at the air conditioning shop agreed to fix the rear air conditioning. When Paul told him the story later, he was in shock, and said he had NEVER had something like that happen to him before, but he would have called the police, suspecting as I did what it was. Stop and think--our vehicle--found to possess what at the time was around $7,000 worth of street value cocaine. It's possible we would have been arrested till every thing was sorted out. Our children would likely have been removed by CPS. At the time, both of them were very young, and emotionally extremely dependent on their parents.

Or--all the traveling we did during the previous year-through states that are known to set up road blocks and conduct drug searches with dogs! Can you imagine the terror and fear for our family?! Our children ripped away from us while we were handcuffed and thrown into a squad car till the whole thing got sorted?!

Paul asked the mechanic, "Why did you refuse to fix the rear AC?" The mechanic looked at Paul and said, "I don't really know. I just figured you could do it yourself so I would let you do it. I don't usually turn down work."

Later we shared the story with the minister who sold us the vehicle. He was shocked as he too had driven the van for a year. As he began thinking about how it could have impacted his family's life, he was so thanful with us that God preserved both of our family's from harm in any fashion.

So, hidden in that black bumper van was a very unusual surprise for us that day. We are thankful that it ended as well for all of us as it did.

Needless to say, we never relax on any vehicle purchases since until we have examined the side panels. I think we'd do well to have our own drug sniffing dog. What do you think?!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Freed

Sometimes to be who God wants us to be, to do what He wants us to do, we need to prayerfully walk away from a relationship with a toxic person. Not that we close our hearts to them, nor close our hearts to ever having a relationship with them again if God opens the doors, but we walk lovingly away, holding "space" in our hearts and lives for them to reenter if the time is right.

Possibly many of you can identify with that. I think especially for those of us who have special needs kiddos, we have a great need to be extremely careful who we allow into our lives. Our energy is mainly all needed to enable us to parent wisely our children. Toxic people can zap *all* of our energy, leaving us unable to fulfill our primary calling--to serve God and our family.

While we shouldn't be too quick to write off every challenging relationship as "toxic" and walk, we do need to evaluate carefully our relationships, and see if they are helping us fulfill our primary calling. Only after we are doing well keeping up our relationship with God and our family do we have extra energy to meet others needs/wants/desires. God can call us to ministry with others outside of our family, and that is fine, as long as we meet our family's needs first.

I'm speaking this out of experiences our family has gone through. We have had to learn some things the hard way. I've personally learned to try harder to REALLY listen to Paul if he is expressing little hints about how he feels about the involvement of people in our lives. Our spouses can  give us valuable input about relationships and our involvement with situations. (There's a reason the Bible says, "Two are better than one.")

Do you need freed from a toxic relationship so you can be the person God has called you to be to meet your families needs? Then trust Him to lead you as you prayerfully seek how to disengage yourself. Does He want you to maintain a relationship for the good of the other person, and perhaps some sanctifying in your own life? Then trust Hiim for that too.

And speaking from my own experience, when God removed a toxic situation from my life, He has been gracious to bring in healthier relationships that have helped me to grow in various ways, and enriched our lives as a family.

Choosing to walk from a relationship should never, ever be done lightly. It never should be done in the "heat of the moment" but only after careful reflection and prayer--maybe even counsel. In one case with our family, we actually sought a lot of advice and counsel before choosing to walk away sadly. We still hold open hands and hearts and pray for the person regularly even years later, but we know that until such a time till they are hopefully ready for a healthy relationship, our family can no longer be involved, even though we still care.

While walking from a relationship is a cause for sadness, there can also be a great sense of freedom as we are more able to focus on healthy things in our lives and relationships with others who are more healthy. As I was thinking about it recently, I knew God freed our family to be able to more effectively care for Katya than if we were still involved in that particular situation. Katya needs all that our family can give her right now, and while we never want to be selfish or uncaring, we do have to be wise in what types of relationships we are involved with outside of our family. At this point in time, our main call for ministry is to Katya, and our other children. That may change as Katya's needs lessen hopefully, and our other children grow and mature, but for now, it is as it is.

"Thank you, God, for bringing so many healthy relationships into our lives!"

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Buttermilk Oatmeal Muffins

Yesterday, we threw together a quick vegetable soup and some muffins for our lunch, and then took some to a Mommy-friend of ours who needed a little boost.

Since she wanted the recipe, I thought it might be of interest to others as well.

First, the recipe as written, and our changes marked in italics.

Buttermilk Oatmeal Muffins

1 cup quick cooking oats
1 cup buttermilk (substitute for diary allergies one cup water with a few drops of lemon or lime juice)
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup packed brown sugar (we lessen the amount of sugar by not packing the cup)
1/4 cup vegetable oil (we use olive oil due to concerns about the GMO canola and corn)
1 cup all purpose flour (we used a mix of 50/50 white and whole grain spelt flour)
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

In a bowl, soak the oats in buttermilk (or it's substitute) for 15 minutes. Stir in eggs, sugar, and oil. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; stir into oat mixture just until moistened. Fill greased or paper lined muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake at 400 degrees for 16-18 minutes or until muffins test done. Cool in pan 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack. Yield--about 8 muffins. Needless to say, we always triple this recipe.

This is a family staple and goes great, as mentioned before, with a vegetable soup.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Refreshing Your DVD's

Do you have a stack of DVD's that are too scratched to play well sitting around collecting dust?

If so, break out a tube of cheap toothpaste, take a clean, soft cloth, and applying a small dab of toothpaste, polish those DVD's up! Then rinse the toothpaste off, dry gently and then run to the DVD player!

We are being able to play DVD's again that we had totally given up on! It's making for some happy children!


http://1d8a787de4174f1aa625-28a4b9047a732d2a8879bfd4a1538bd8.r56.cf3.rackcdn.com/blank_DVD-8333.jpg

I don't know if it would work on music CD's or not, but imagine so!

Wishing I had known this frugal tip a long time ago. Ah well, better late than never.